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A Communal Confession

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A Communal Confession by 5TJT Editorial Staff

viduijpgאשמנו  - We have been guilty.  We have cared more for our reputations than we have for the victims of molesters in our midst.
בגדנו  - We have betrayed the innocent and the weak among us.  We have ignored the pleas of those who have been victimized.
גזלנו  - We have stolen. We have stolen the childhood and the innocence of victims by not acting to remove people from positions of authority where they can continue abusing.
דברנו דופי -We have spoken falsely.  We have said that those who make such accusations are liars – when we either knew that this was not the case, or where we were unsure. We have misused the notion of Chezkas Kashrus to ignore our obligation to protect our charges.
העוינו - We have caused others to sin.  By allowing redifus to be swept under the table, we have allowed other molesters to further sin.
והרשענו  - We have caused others to do evil. By not acting upon what we had known we have caused others to pursue the victims and their supporters and to label them mosrim.
זדנו  - We have had evil hearts.  We have planned revenge against victims of molestation and their supporters by excluding them from the communal institutions that we control.  We have vilified them in our papers and publications.
חמסנו  - We have become violent.  We have yelled at victims and their supporters and have fought against them.
טפלנו שקר - We have attached lies.  We have attached ourselves to sinners.  We have allowed molesters to continue operating and have actively supported them.
יעצנו רע - We have advised evil.  We have told people who have molested others what to do to avoid being caught.
כזבנו  - We have lied. We have done so in crafty ways where we have taught ourselves to be deceptive people.
לצנו  - We have scoffed.  We have made fun of those who have pointed out the fundamentally wrong issues of not cleaning up our act.  We have labeled them mosrim, anti-Semites, and self-hating Jews who try to destroy our Torah Mosdos.
מרדנו - We have rebelled against the noble principles of the Torah in allowing this shameful behavior to continue.
ניאצנו  - We have been scornful – causing Hashem to be angry at us.  We have not cared to ascertain the truth or to protet Hashem’s nation from a grave internal danger.
סרנו - We have turned from the path of the Torah’s truthful ideals and have created a Chilul Hashem.
עוינו - We have intentionally allowed Chilul Hashem to continue by making Klal Yisroel look like they defend child molesters and that we do not protect the victims.
פשענו  - We have sinned/ rebelled.  We have entirely ignored the psak din of Gedolim who have said that when there is clear Raglayim ladavar to molestation we must involve authorities
צררנו - We have persecuted members of Klal Yisroel by only getting rid of the known molester from our school, but allowing him to move to other communities and continue.
קשינו עורף - We have been stiff-necked and stubborn in this matter and still have not learned important lessons.
רשענו  - We have been lawless and wicked.  We have created an environment where those who stand up for victims are looked at as troublemakers.
שיחתנו - We have corrupted our communities with the incorrect notion that it is forbidden to protect victims from their oppressors.
תעינו  - We have strayed.  We have strayed far from the ideals of Torah in supporting oppressors and even in saying, “We have other things to worry about first.”
תיעבנו  - We have done abominations.  Our support for those who victimize others is a complete abomination in the eyes of Hashem.
תיעתענו  - We have allowed ourselves to be led astray.  Because of this issue we have ceased our role in becoming a light unto the nations and are off-track.
וסרנו ממצותיך וממשפטיך הטובים ולא שוה לנו ואתה צדיק על כל הבא עלינו כי אמת עשית ואנחנו הרשענו– We have turned away from your Mitzvos and chosen something unworthy of us.         And You Hashem are Righteous in all that is brought upon us for You have done Truth and we have wrought evil.

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Posted by on September 13, 2013. Filed under Jewish News,NY News,Slider. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
http://5tjt.com/a-communal-confession-by-5tjt-editorial-staff/

  



“We have more of an understanding today that a teacher, a mentor, needs a firm, clear-cut, rigid standard about what is permissible and that to take advantage of one’s position will lead to pain and suffering for a lot of kids.”

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Claims of child sex abuse handled more openly now

Advocates urge stricter laws, detailed rules about adult behavior

Fresh scandals continue to revive the same issues in different communities. The Ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities in New York, for instance, have received unprecedented scrutiny in recent years for covering up abuse and even harassing victims.
Sep. 14, 2013   |  
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The forceful, full-body hugs from a former teacher that she didn’t want and that lasted too long, Ann Hunkins said, started when she was 14 and a freshman at Green Meadow Waldorf School in Chestnut Ridge in 1980.

He’d appear as she sat at the bus stop or walked across campus and put his arm around her. Or he’d corner her in an alcove under a staircase, pinning her against his body in a long, awkward embrace as she struggled to get free, she said.

In her fear and confusion, the teen never notified authorities. She convinced her mother not to tell the school because she worried she wouldn’t be believed.




At the time, other students and staff seemed to think the behavior was acceptable, Hunkins, 47, told The Journal News in an interview Tuesday.

“I wish I had heard somebody say, ‘Oh, he’s a real letch,’ because then I would have just realized maybe this isn’t something that should be happening, maybe my feeling that it’s not OK is correct,” she said.

Hunkins was motivated to open up about her past for the first time by Green Meadow’s aggressive response when similar allegations implicating the same teacher were revealed this summer in a memoir by a former student, author Kate Christensen. Within weeks of the book’s publication, the school identified the teacher, banned him from campus and launched an investigation — a sharp departure from how institutions usually handled allegations of sexual misconduct decades ago.
 
 “To heal something, you have to look at it square. You have to look at it openly and honestly,” said Green Meadow co-administrator Eric Silber. “I think we, as a school, can look at our past and learn from it and grow and make sure that this will never happen again.”
 
Public awareness of sexual abuse — and how institutions deal with allegations — has fundamentally changed since the Catholic Church’s crisis erupted in 2002. Since then, numerous religious and other groups have faced public accusations of abuse and have had to quickly decide how open to be about ugly episodes from the past.

Ongoing revelations about the abuse of minors, both from recent years and the distant past, have rocked the Boy Scouts of America, Pennsylvania State University, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, several Catholic dioceses, the Ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities in New York, the Horace Mann School in Riverdale in the Bronx, pockets of public schools and others.

The Waldorf School’s decisive response to Christensen’s memoir may represent changing social attitudes about sexual misconduct. Experts say that while there have been high-profile cases of organizations resisting change, many groups have revamped their thinking and policies regarding the seriousness of abuse.

“When I talk to people, the big question they ask is ‘Are we responding quickly enough?’ ” said Patrick Boyle, the author of a book about sex abuse in the Boy Scouts. As spokesman for the Forum for Youth Investment in Washington, he talks to youth groups about their policies for investigating abuse.

Boyle said that many groups, including the Boy Scouts, generally respond to allegations much faster than a decade ago.

“The pendulum has swung on how these things are handled, largely because of the publicity and lawsuits,” Boyle said. “Even though you have the Horace Mann case and the Orthodox Jewish groups, most larger groups are erring on the side of caution, to cover themselves. But you can’t say that everyone within an organization responds the right way or that the problem is solved.”
 
David Finkelhor, director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire, said that many institutions are now run by people with modern attitudes about the effects of abuse who are not afraid to confront painful issues that were once hushed up.

“Having more women in leadership makes a difference, as they may be more sensitive in handling these episodes, supporting the victims and encouraging other people to come forward,” he said.

Finkelhor noted that the outspoken scientist Richard Dawkins, who says he was abused by a priest when he was a boy, maintained in a recent interview that he wouldn’t condemn “mild pedophilia” from earlier eras.

“Dawkins is 72 and that’s an older-generation, male take on this whole thing,” Finkelhor said. “We have more of an understanding today that a teacher, a mentor, needs a firm, clear-cut, rigid standard about what is permissible and that to take advantage of one’s position will lead to pain and suffering for a lot of kids.”

Marci Hamilton, a professor at Yeshiva University’s Cardozo School of Law in Manhattan and one of the nation’s foremost critics of how religious groups handle abuse, said many states are reforming their statutes of limitations to give victims new opportunities to sue abusers and the institutions that protected them. Minnesota and California passed legislation this year and New York is among several states where bills are pending.

“Change is happening, but also the pace of change is quickening,” Hamilton said. “State legislators are more educated. The public is more knowledgeable.”

Fresh scandals continue to revive the same issues in different communities. The Ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities in New York, for instance, have received unprecedented scrutiny in recent years for covering up abuse and even harassing victims.

Many observers say that longtime Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes was defeated Tuesday, in part, because of his reluctant handling of abuse cases in Orthodox communities.

Shmarya Rosenberg, who tracks Orthodox news on his blog, Failed Messiah, said Ultra-Orthodox communities have not faced the need to confront sexual abuse.

“School administrations and Haredi community activists and leaders still cover up sexual and physical abuse — and they also persecute the victims and their families if those victims and families report the abuse to police,” he said. “But as bad as this problem is, it is made far worse by district attorneys who are beholden to Haredi bloc votes.”
Twitter: @lohudeducation and @MareesaNicosia

'Unfathomable' prior abuse was not known to Principal Rabbi ???

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David Samuel Cyprys convicted of child sexual abuse at Melbourne's Yeshiva College

         
A second man has been convicted of sexually abusing children at a Melbourne Jewish school.
 
David Samuel Cyprys, 45, admitted interfering with nine children at Yeshiva College, Jewish youth camps and ritual spiritual baths from the 1980s to the early 90s.

He is the second paedophile to be convicted of abusing students at Yeshivah and in both instances, evidence tendered in court suggests those in charge were given ample warning but chose to do nothing.

Cyprys' abuse of young boys began when Cyprys himself was only 14 and involved nine victims who Cyprus variously raped, molested and coerced into performing sex acts with himself and with each other.

He was convicted last month of five counts of rape and has now pleaded guilty to further charges including indecent assault and gross indecency.


Cyprys' lawyer today told the County Court he wants his client to read the victim impact statements of the boys he abused before he is psychologically assessed for sentencing.

The case has been adjourned to November 8 for a pre-sentence hearing.

Abuse made victim question his faith



One of those boys Cyprys abused is Victim M.
"It's all still so fresh and raw," M told the ABC.
"It's a feeling of relief; I feel vindicated for the public campaign.
"I do feel that this (conviction) is going to assist many victims in the Jewish community who will now see that you can get justice.

"Even though this may have happened decades ago, it's never too late."

Cyprys worked variously as a security guard, locksmith, martial arts instructor and school camp leader at St Kilda's Yeshivah College.

"Even though this may have happened decades ago, it's never too late," Said Victim M

 He used those roles to coerce his victims into exposing themselves to him and performing sexual acts on him and on one another under various guises, telling them the acts were punishments, martial arts training or religious.

Victim M was molested in spiritual baths connected to the school and says the experience has left an indelible mark on his faith.

"My whole belief in God has been something that I've been struggling with for decades, essentially since that time when I was abused," M said.

"So, from my perspective it has shaken myself - and many of the other victims I've been in contact with - to the core.

"They're not sure where they stand, what religion means to them."

He says that is because he and other victims were made to feel like they had done the wrong thing when they tried to report Cyprys' abuse while it was happening.

'Unfathomable' prior abuse was not known to Principal Rabbi... ?


In July, Rabbi David Kramer was jailed for abusing four boys at Yeshivah in the early 1990s.

Victoria Police criticised the school for helping Kramer escape to the US.

The magistrate who committed Cyprys to stand trial described as "unfathomable" the assertion of then principal Rabbi Yitzcock Dovid Groner that he had no knowledge of the allegations at the time, despite two parents testifying they had told him Cyprys had interfered with their children.

Victim M says: "How could they, some of the Yeshivah leadership, really be concerned much more about the welfare of the perpetrator than they were with the welfare of the victims?"

He said compensation is "something we are seriously considering".

Yeshivah College has told the ABC it cannot comment because Principal Rabbi Smukler is on leave.

Last week, however, Australia's most senior orthodox rabbi Moshe Gutnick spoke to the ABC about a letter he sent to every synagogue in Australia, admitting the Jewry's failings in dealing with sexual abuse.

"It acknowledges a culture of cover up," he said.

"In other words, I'm not talking about any specific incident or case, I'm talking about this feeling that it should be kept in house and quiet and not shame the community, and that again was completely wrong."

  

"No Community Is Immune"

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Taskforce keeps people safe

 Jewish Taskforce Against Family Violence chairperson Deborah Wiener runs a call service to help people in the jewish community. Picture: Derrick den HollanderSource: News Limited          
        
FOR about 20 years the Jewish Taskforce Against Family Violence has been breaking down barriers and creating awareness to keep people safe.
    
The taskforce's Sheiny New said there had been scepticism in parts of the Jewish community about whether abuse happened.

"No community is immune, not the Jewish community either," she said.

The taskforce runs a safe and confidential support line, trains rabbis about how to approach issues such as family violence and child sexual abuse, and runs information sessions for schools and the community.

Ms New said they'd trained 30 rabbis from ultra-orthodox to secular communities to respond to issues of abuse over the past six years.

They have published the book Will my Rabbi Believe Me? Will He Understand about how vital a rabbi's response was to healing of victims.

"No matter how someone identifies themselvse on the Jewish religious spectrum, to them it was very important the rabbis understand," she said.

The taskforce also tackles child sexual abuse.

"If there is a child who is a victim of sexual assault, every procedure has to be put in place to make sure the safety of the child is provided," she said.

They notify police, and professionals and run education programs with schools.

"We teach (children) how to wear a seatbelt, or put fences around schools, creating awareness of child sexual assault is no different as a safety precaution," she said.

"That they have the right to feel safe... they have the right to say, 'no, stop that'... and a parent to have the understanding of the issues, how to recognise the red flags."

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/leader/central/jewish-taskforce-against-family-violence-breaks-down-barriers/story-fngnvlpt-1226720701617



Tragedies of Secret and Silence

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Sex crimes against children are often
tragedies of secret and silence.

Even the children of the most cautious and watchful parents fall victim to sexual molestation. Although there is no infallible way to ensure your children’s safety and protection from sexual predators, we have created a guide to help you build boundaries and provide additional security.

What is child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse comes in many forms – it is not only physical manipulation, but it can be non-contact mental and emotional abuse. Though there is no universal definition of sexual abuse, the American Psychological Association has outlined common forms that it can take:
  • Fondling
  • Any type of genital contact
  • Exposure
  • Voyeurism
  • Verbal pressure of sex
  • Inappropriate kissing
  • Child pornography

One in four childrenGirls are victims of molestation

GET REAL.

Understand the startling statistics. Every parent needs to recognize that this very well could happen to their children, even when they take vast strides to ensure that it won’t.
Approximately 300,000 children are sexually abused in the United States every year.
One in four girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
One in six boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
90% of adolescent sexual abuse victims knows their abuser.
Children are most vulnerable to sexual abuse between the ages of 7 and 13.
73% of child sexual abuse victims don’t tell anyone about the abuse for at least one year.
45% don’t tell anybody for at least 5 years.
 
A child who has experienced sexual abuse or attempted rape is more than 13 times more likely to experience rape or attempted rape during their first year in college.

Instill Knowledge, Not Fear. Foster two-way communication between you and your children.

Teaching your children through paranoia will only lay the path for a future of social awkwardness, intolerance, closed-mindedness, confusion and apprehension when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships.

We all have a friend or family member who was raised to be afraid of strangers, and now has an unhealthy fear of interpersonal relationships and the unknown. You want your child to be aware of warning signs, not to blindly fear certain types of people.

At the same time, refrain from teaching your children to always be welcoming to strangers. Telling your child to always “give him a hug” can instill false trust. Instead, allow your child to express emotions on his or her own terms.
 
Be aware of the warning signs.

Teach The Do's And Don'ts.

  • Don’t ever get into the car with a stranger.
  • Never go to a second location with someone you don’t know.
  • Don’t ever let an adult swear you to secrecy.
  • Don’t give away personal information to a stranger.
  • Do stay close to a friend.
  • Do tell mom or dad where you are and where you will be.
  • Do talk to a trusted adult about anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Educate your child about basic sexual education. Helping your child understand his or her own body will give them the power to embrace and protect it. Teach them that no one should touch their private parts. If you are uncomfortable having "the talk", a healthcare professional can be available to assist you.

TRUST YOUR GUT. Don’t write off your suspicions as you being an overprotective parent. If something isn’t sitting well with you, it isn’t likely that you are overreacting or reading too much into behavior. If you get a bad vibe from an adult that your child is spending time with, monitor that time spent and delicately ask your child questions about their relationship in a non-accusatory manner.

While your child is bound to build meaningful relationships with teachers, coaches and neighbors, it is important to recognize when a line has been crossed. Take note of excessive time an adult spends with your child - This is typically the first step in the process of manipulation.

If your child tells you about a “special friend” with whom he or she keeps secrets, alarms should go off in your head. Beware of your child receiving money or gifts from an adult, or getting personal calls or text messages. Predators often integrate themselves into the lives of a target’s family in order to become a trusted member with easy access to the child. The perpetrator will groom the entire family, gain their trust and then begin to push boundaries.
 
CHECK YOURSELF. The following is a list of rules that you can live by to protect your children from sexual predators:
  • Never leave your young children alone in a public setting.
  • Be sure your children know where they are going to be picked up after school or extracurricular activities, and by whom. If your child takes the bus home or gets a ride from another student, to be dropped off at home alone make sure they know to keep the doors locked.
  • Teach your children to memorize your cell phone and work phone numbers, their home address as well as emergency numbers.
  • Do not purchase clothing or jewelry for your child that displays their name. As trendy as this may be, it gives perpetrators a free pass to pretend as though they know your child personally. “Hi Jackie, I’m your Uncle Johnny. Don’t you remember me?”
  • Set up a code word or phrase for your child in case of an emergency. If someone your child doesn’t recognize has to pick him or her up from school and knows the code phrase, your child will understand that it’s safe to go with them.

Know The Warning Signs

The following are common indications of sexual abuse:
  • Excessive knowledge of sexual activities for your child’s age
  • Sudden changes in behavior – mood swings and/or withdrawn conduct
  • Your child is always watchful and on edge, as though in fear that something might occur at any time
  • Night sweats with screaming or shaking; Night terrors
  • Loss of appetite or change in appetite
  • Inability to explain bruises or other injuries
  • Refusal to be alone with a certain person
  • Sudden refusal to go to school or some other recreational activity
  • Your child has unexplained money, gifts or toys
  • Develops a warped self-image or body-image
HAVE A PLAN for the dreadful scenario in which your child goes missing. According to the Department of Justice 74% of children murdered by non-family members are killed within the first 3 hours of abduction, and it generally takes about two hours for parents to gather all the information law enforcement officials need to head up a successful search. Always carry up-to-date photos of your child that accurately depict his or her appearance. Get your child fingerprinted. Many police departments offer this service free of charge.

GET HELP if your child has been sexually abused. Long-term effects of sexual abuse include depression, guilt, fear, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, anorexia, substance abuse, destructive behavior, sexual dysfunction and criminality in adulthood. To prevent a devastating future, parents of victims are urged to engage their child in some type of therapy.
There are various different types of counseling victims can seek. They include:
  • Individual therapy
  • Family therapy
  • Group therapy
  • Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy
  • Child-focused therapy

The following is a list of helpful sites:

American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children
http://www.apsac.org/
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
http://www.missingkids.com/
Child Welfare Information Gateway (formerly National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information)
http://www.childwelfare.gov/

Cyber Sexual Predators

In today’s world with global communication available at the fingertips of anyone who has access to a computer, it is especially important to understand how to spot and stop predators.

Sexual perpetrators use the perceived anonymity of the Internet as a playground for picking up underage boys and girls.
 
They use the computer screen as a cushion that makes children more open and less apprehensive about forming new relationships with strangers. They trick young minds into sharing secrets about themselves, with the ultimate goal of becoming intimate with them.

Startling statistics: One in five American teens that regularly use the Internet has received unwanted sexual solicitation. One quarter of children have been exposed to unwanted online pornographic material.
Twenty Five Percent
Only 25% of children who receive unwanted online sexual advances tell an adult.
 
Parental Controls: Currently, only one-third of households with Internet access are actively using software to protect their children and teens from predators. Filtering and blocking software like Net Nanny, CYBERsitter and Cyberpatrol allow parents to decide who is appropriate for their kids to talk to online. Games: There are dozens of web sites dedicated to finding fun ways to educate children and teenagers about the dangers of sexual predators.
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) offers online safety quizzes at www.missingkids.com.
  
McGruff.org and IDthecreep.com have games to teach kids how to identify online predators.
 
Wiredkids.com uses superheroes and cartoons to keep the attention of kids while teaching them about online predators.
 
Rules to Establish Child-Computer Safety:
  • Keep the computer in a common room.
  • Educate children about online predators.
  • Create a family email address for children to use, not their own personal one.
  • Check to be sure that all of your teenager’s Facebook “friends” are people that they know in real life.
  • Teach your child never to enter a private chatroom.
1/3of households with internet access are using software to protect their children from predators.

Would you like to share this image on your site? Help spread the word on protecting children!
Just give image credit to EKH Law www.ekhlaw.com/ with this graphic.
  

 
 
A MUST READ FOR EVERY ADULT:
http://www.ekhlaw.com/guide-to-protecting-children/

Akiva Roth, who started this new school year as a Hebrew teacher at Yeshiva College, pleaded guilty in 1997 to four counts of lewdness against several boys in his work as a private bar mitzvah tutor.

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Yeshiva U. Hires Lecturer With Criminal Record of Sexual Misconduct With Boys

Hebrew Teacher Akiva Roth Convicted of Lewdness

Why, Y.U.? Akiva Roth was convicted of lewdness from his time as a bar mitzvah teacher. The judge slammed him for arrogance and said: ‘he just doesn’t get it.’
 
Why, Y.U.? Akiva Roth was convicted of lewdness from his time as a bar mitzvah teacher. The judge slammed him for arrogance and said: ‘he just doesn’t get it.’

By Paul Berger

Published October 08, 2013.
Yeshiva University, still reeling from allegations that for decades its leaders dealt improperly with the specter of sexual abuse, has hired a new faculty member convicted of inappropriate sexual behavior with boys, the Forward has learned.

Akiva Roth, who started this new school year as a Hebrew teacher at Yeshiva College, pleaded guilty in 1997 to four counts of lewdness against several boys in his work as a private bar mitzvah tutor.
Roth, 42, has not been accused of misconduct at Y.U. But his employment by Yeshiva College calls into question Y.U.’s hiring practices at a time when the university is battling to repair its public image over the sex abuse allegations.

A spokesman for Y.U. issued the following statement: “Yeshiva University has policies and procedures in place that require background checks for new hires. We are currently in the process of thoroughly exploring the matter you brought to our attention.”

Ever since the Forward first reported allegations of sexual abuse made by dozens of former students of Yeshiva University’s High School for Boys, Y.U. has sought to distance current management practices from those of Rabbi Norman Lamm, who was president of Y.U. from 1976 until 2003.

A report commissioned by Y.U. in the wake of the scandal found that “sexual and physical abuse took place” at a number of Y.U. institutions during the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s.

But Y.U. officials suppressed the release of further details contained in the report, including the number of suspected perpetrators or the Y.U. institutions involved, citing a pending $380 million lawsuit brought by former high school students against Y.U. Instead, the version of the report Y.U released focused on policies and procedures that Y.U. had implemented to prevent abuse or to deal appropriately with abuse allegations at its boys high school, in Manhattan, and at its girls high school, in Queens, as well as at other schools and colleges.

The “university is committed to creating an environment at its high schools and other affiliated schools in which sexual misconduct and other types of harassment are not tolerated,” the report stated, adding that “the university has over time, and especially in the last decade, instituted many policies, procedures, and practices that address these issues.”
READ ENTIRE ARTICLE:http://forward.com/articles/185200/yeshiva-u-hires-lecturer-with-criminal-record-of-s/#

Dead fish go with the flow. Live fish swim against the current

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The Courage Not to Conform         

        


Abraham on his family's journey from Ur to Canaan, as described in the Bible. Photo: József Molnár/Wikimedia Commons.
 
Leaders lead. That does not mean to say that they don’t follow. But what they follow is different from what most people follow. They don’t conform for the sake of conforming. They don’t do what others do merely because others are doing it. They follow an inner voice, a call. They have a vision, not of what is, but of what might be. They think outside the box. They march to a different tune.

Never was this more dramatically signaled than in the first words of God to Abraham, the words that set Jewish history in motion: “Leave your land, your birthplace, and your father’s house and go to the land that I will show you.”

Why? Because people do conform. They adopt the standards and absorb the culture of the time and place in which they live – “your land.” At a deeper level they are influenced by friends and neighbors – “your birthplace.” More deeply still, they are shaped by their parents and the family in which they grew up – “your father’s house.”

I want you, says God to Abraham, to be different. Not for the sake of being different, but for the sake of starting something new: a religion that will not worship power and the symbols of power – for that is what idols really were and are. I want you, said God, to “teach your children and your household afterward to follow the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just.”

To be a Jew is to be willing to challenge the prevailing consensus when, as so often happens, nations slip into worshiping the old gods. They did so in Europe throughout the nineteenth and early twentieth century. That was the age of nationalism: the pursuit of power in the name of the nation-state, which led to two world wars and tens of millions of deaths. It is the age we are living in now as North Korea acquires and Iran pursues nuclear weapons so that they can impose their ambitions by force. It is what is happening today throughout much of the Middle East and Africa as nations descend into violence and what Hobbes called “the war of every man against every man.”

We make a mistake when we think of idols in terms of their physical appearance – statues, figurines, icons. In that sense, they belong to ancient times we have long outgrown. Instead, the right way to think of idols is in terms of what they represent. They symbolize power. That is what Ra was for the Egyptians, Baal for the Canaanites, Chemosh for the Moabites, Zeus for the Greeks, and missiles and bombs for terrorists and rogue states today.

Power allows us to rule over others without their consent. As the Greek historian Thucydides put it: “The strong do what they wish and the weak suffer what they must.”

Judaism is a sustained critique of power. That is the conclusion I have reached after a lifetime of studying our sacred texts. It is about how a nation can be formed on the basis of shared commitment and collective responsibility. It is about how to construct a society that honors the human person as the image and likeness of God. It is about a vision, never fully realized but never abandoned, of a world based on justice and compassion, in which “They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.” (Isaiah 11: 9)

Abraham is without doubt the most influential person who ever lived. Today he is claimed as the spiritual ancestor of 2.4 billion Christians, 1.6 billion Muslims, and 13 million Jews – more than half of the people alive today. Yet he ruled no empire, commanded no great army, performed no miracles, and proclaimed no prophecy. He is the supreme example in all of history of influence without power.

Why?Because he was prepared to be different. As the sages say, he was called ha-ivri, “the Hebrew,” because “all the world was on one side (be-ever echad) and he was on the other.” (Genesis Rabbah 42: 8 )

Leadership, as every leader knows, can be lonely. Yet you continue to do what you have to because you know that the majority is not always right, and conventional wisdom is not always wise. Dead fish go with the flow. Live fish swim against the current. So it is with conscience and courage. So it is with the children of Abraham. They are prepared to challenge the idols of the age.

After the Holocaust, some social scientists were haunted by the question of why so many people were prepared, whether by active participation or silent consent, to go along with a regime that they knew was committing one of the great crimes against humanity.

One key experiment was conducted by Solomon Asch. He assembled a group of people, asking them to perform a series of simple cognitive tasks. They were shown two cards, one with a line on it, the other with three lines of different lengths, and asked which was the same size as the line on the first. Unbeknownst to one participant, all of the others had been briefed by Asch to give the right answer for the first few cards, then the wrong one for most of the rest.

On a significant number of occasions, the experimental subject gave an answer he could see was the wrong one just because everyone else had done so. Such is the power of the pressure to conform, that it can lead us to say what we know is untrue.

More frightening still was the Stanford experiment carried out in the early 1970s by Philip Zimbardo. The participants were randomly assigned roles as guards or prisoners in a mock prison. Within days, the students cast as guards were behaving abusively, some of them subjecting the “prisoners” to psychological torture. The students cast as prisoners put up with this passively, even siding with the guards against those prisoners who resisted. The experiment was called off after six days, during which time even Zimbardo found himself drawn in to the artificial reality he had created. The pressure to conform to assigned roles is strong enough to lead people into doing what they know is wrong.

That is why Abraham, at the start of his mission, was told to leave “his land, his birthplace and his father’s house,” to free himself from the pressure to conform. Leaders must be prepared not to follow the consensus.

One of the great writers on leadership, Warren Bennis (in his book ”On Becoming a Leader,” Basic Books, 1989, 49), writes: “By the time we reach puberty, the world has shaped us to a greater extent than we realise. Our family, friends, and society in general have told us – by word and example – how to be. But people begin to become leaders at that moment when they decide for themselves how to be.”

One reason why Jews have become leaders in almost every sphere of human endeavor, out of all proportion to their numbers, is precisely this willingness to be different. Throughout the centuries, Jews have been the most striking example of a group that refused to assimilate to the dominant culture or convert to the dominant faith.

One other finding of Solomon Asch is worth noting. If just one other person was willing to support the individual who could see that the others were giving the wrong answer, it gave him the strength to stand out against the consensus. That is why, however small their numbers, Jews created communities. It is hard to lead alone, far less hard to lead in the company of others, even if you are a minority.

Judaism is the countervoice in the conversation of humankind. As Jewswe do not follow the majority merely because it is the majority. In age after age, century after century, Jews were prepared to do what the poet Robert Frost immortalized in ”The Road Not Taken, Birches, and Other Poems:”
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
It is what makes a nation of leaders.

http://www.algemeiner.com/2013/10/09/the-courage-not-to-conform/

 

The single most effective means of protecting your child is communication with your child.

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Characteristics and Behavioral Indicators of a Pedophile


When most people imagine a child molester, they picture some ugly, old man in a trench coat coaxing children to come to him in exchange for some candy.  They don't picture Uncle Joe or Aunt Lorraine; the neighbor next door or the friendly parishioner; another family member or trusted co-worker.  They don't think of mom or dad, or in the case of single parents, their significant other.  This misconception has been effectively dispelled through information obtained in thousand of child sexual abuse investigations over the years.  Child molesters come from all walks of life and from all socioeconomic groups They can be male or female, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, religious or non-religious, highly educated or non-educated, or from any race.             

Through numerous case studies, the Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile.  They are as follows:

  1. Is most often an adult male.
  2. Is usually married.
  3. Works in a wide range of occupations, from unskilled laborer to corporate executive.
  4. Relates better to children than adults.
  5. Socializes with few adults unless they are pedophiles.
  6. Usually prefers children in a specific age group.
  7. Usually prefers either males or females, but may be bi-sexual.
  8. May seek employment or volunteer with programs involving children of the age of his preference.
  9. Pursues children for sexual purposes.
  10. Frequently photographs or collects photographs of his victims, either dressed, nude, or in sexually explicit acts.
  11. Collects child erotica and child-adult pornography.
  12. May possess and furnish narcotics to his victims to lower their inhibitions.
  13. Is usually intelligent enough to recognize that he has a personal problem and understand the severity of it.
  14. May go to great lengths to conceal his illegal activity.
  15. Often rationalizes his illicit activities, emphasizing his positive impact upon the victim and repressing feelings about the harm that he has done.
  16. Often portrays the child as the aggressor.  This usually occurs after the child realizes that by withholding "sexual favors" the child will obtain what he or she desires, such as new toys, clothing or trips.
  17. Talks about children in the same manner as one would talk about an adult lover or spouse.
  18. Often was a child molestation victim and frequently seeks out children at the age or stage of physical development at which he was molested.
  19. Often seeks out publications and organizations that support his sexual beliefs and practices.
  20. Usually corresponds with other pedophiles and exchanges child pornography and erotica as proof of involvement.
  21. Is usually non-violent and has few problems with the law (pedophiles are frequently respected community members).

The widespread misconception that child molestation consists solely of children being seized from the street and forcibly molested couldn't be further from the truth.  Although these incidents do occur, the vast majority of child molesters are adults who seduce children through subtle intimidation and persuasion and are known to the child.

The incestuous or interfamilial molester is usually an adult male (father, stepfather, grandfather or live-in boyfriend of the mother) who molests the child or children.  Although physical abuse may occur, the molestation is usually secretive and is accomplished through mental duress and threats - that the child would be removed from the family if he/she did not succumb to his wishes, that he/she would be blamed for hurting the family if the offender is arrested, or that a sibling would be sexually abused if the victim did not consent.  The molestation occurs over an extended period of time, occasionally into the victim's adulthood.  Through intimidation, the child is made to feel responsible for the molestation and for keeping the acts secret.  This secret is normally kept between the offender and the victim, or within the immediate family.

The stranger molester will use force or fear to molest children.  As the term implies, the child does not know the molester.  This type of molestation is usually reported promptly to the police because the trauma to the child is readily apparent.

The single-parent family is particularly vulnerable to the pedophile; the parent usually has a full-time job and is attempting to fulfill the role of both parents, as well as run the household.  In many cases the parent is unable to provide the psychological support the child needs.  These situations may contribute to the success of the child molester who can and will provide the caring attention, however superficial that may be lacking at home.  Of course, domestic problems in intact families also can make children vulnerable to the pedophile.  It should be noted as well, many pedophiles seek out mothers of single-parent families for the purpose of victimizing their children.

The single most effective means of protecting your child is communicationwith your child.  They have to feel comfortable discussing sensitive matters with you.  If they don't feel they can talk with you about their true feelings or that they will be "put down" for it, then you can't expect they will tell you when they are put in an uncomfortable situation by a child molester.

Teach your children that they should not be asked to touch anyone in the bathing suit areas of their body or allow anyone to touch them in those areas.  Teach them types of situations to avoid.  It's not good enough to tell a child to avoid strangers.  Most child molestation's are committed by someone known to or related to the child.

http://www.co.whatcom.wa.us/sheriff/sexoffenders/pedophile.jsp

Jewish Felons: The Problem of Criminality in Observant Communities

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The UOJ Archives - August 2006

Jewish Felons: The Problem of Criminality in Observant Communities

 By Joel Cohen

 
As a prosecutor and, more recently, a white-collar defense attorney in New York, I have witnessed a disturbing rise in crime among Orthodox and Hasidic Jews. When I broach the subject with Jewish friends, they say that writing about this subject will be “a disgrace to the name of God,” viewing the writing on the issue as the disgrace and ignoring the underlying conduct. They see Jews, particularly observant Jews, as a community that outsiders focus on in search of scandal and feel that exposing the problem will add fuel to the fires of anti-Semitism. I feel that this reasoning is wrongheaded: To ignore crime within our ranks does us a great disservice, both because it weakens us as a community and because tolerating it suggests to the outside world that Judaism does not promote a righteous moral compass.

A Growing Problem

There is no shortage of high-profile Jewish crime. Take the infamous New Square scandal, in which four Hassidim were convicted for defrauding the government of $11 million by setting up a fictitious yeshiva to receive federal student aid money. Or the case in Williamsburg, New York, in which the rabbi of a Jewish day school [Hertz Frankel of Satmar] stole 6 million dollars from the Board of Education over several years by falsely identifying more than eighty individuals as school employees.

The problem in the observant community, however, is not merely occasional, nor does it often make headlines. Daily, in metropolises around the country, yarmulka-wearing criminal defendants appear before the bar of justice. In the early 1970s, a particularly imaginative criminal defense lawyer in New York City successfully sued the U.S. Bureau of Prisons to provide kosher food for one or two of his incarcerated clients. The sad truth is that these days, kosher food has become as commonplace in many penal institutions as it is on airlines.

Today, every day in the minimum-security camp at the Otisville Federal Correctional Institution in Rockland County, New York, there are sizeable minyanim, three times daily. A full-time rabbi attends to the congregation’s spiritual and religious needs. Daily religious classes are offered. Shabbat and holiday meals are provided. There are so many observant inmates—inmates who were ostensibly observant at the time of their arrest, not those who “found God” after they broke the law, thereby increasing the numbers—that such provisions are now available at a number of other federal penal institutions. Anyone practicing in the justice system of a large urban metropolis with a significant Jewish population—New York, Los Angeles, and Miami, for example—has seen a similar trend.

These observant defendants are not typically charged with street crime or narcotics trafficking. The most common charge is fraud: against businessmen and run-of-the-mill citizens alike, most frequently involving victims outside of the Jewish community; against the government; against insurance carriers; against banking institutions; health care fraud; money laundering; and stock swindling.

Perhaps most disturbing is a new breed of fraud involving observant community leaders, sometimes rabbis themselves, and intended to benefit the community itself, such as fraud against government spending programs for education and health care. The perpetrators in these cases don’t typically profit personally, but the government and the intended recipients of these government programs are no less defrauded of funds designated for a particular use. And more often than not, the community, including its lay and religious leaders, stands up for the perpetrators by defending, or at least excusing, their behavior. For example, following the convictions of four Hassidim in the New Square scandal, Hassidic leaders defended President Clinton’s pardon of these individuals on the grounds that the stolen funds were funneled back into their community rather than into their own pockets.

The Key Question

Why is fraud so common in the Orthodox and Hasidic communities? Perhaps Judaism itself concentrates too heavily on technical observances designed to honor the Kingdom of God and not enough on a code of conduct honoring and respecting each other. Maybe the religion, as taught, isn’t sufficiently concerned with ethical precepts particularly with regard to faceless government bodies or individuals outside the fold. Even more disturbing, perhaps criminal, or merely unethical, behavior is simply not inconsistent with religious observance.

Whatever the reason, the ultimate question is simple: Do the religious obligations of Orthodox and Hasidic communities require their members to behave ethically in their everyday behavior, including in their dealings with everyone of every faith? Several responses to this key question will invariably invoke talmudic niceties, such as, “What do you mean by ethical behavior?” Responses of this nature highlight a root problem: talmudic exercises that can be used to rationalize misbehavior. Yet, these rationalizations find little support in the teachings of the Torah itself. Indeed, the Torah contains an explicit injunction against maintaining two weights, one large and one small—the biblical equivalent of two sets of books—declaring it an “abomination to God” to act with such weights corruptly (Deut. 25:13-16). How did we stray so far from such a clear anti-fraud philosophy of the Torah to the present-day efforts by some to defend fraudulent behavior with hyper-technical talmudic logic?

Consider this example: Money laundering did not violate American law until 20 years ago. Nor did it violate any specific biblical law, or post-biblical law, ever. But it now violates American law and is a very serious offense. Some, however, argue that even a serious violation of American law, such as money laundering, that is not also criminalized by the Torah does not require the observant community’s condemnation (e.g., “Our Higher Authority doesn’t itself forbid it”). Without question, a whole category of secular laws criminalizes conduct not proscribed by the Torah. And, in many instances, the proscribed conduct would not violate the morality of the Jewish religion or, for that matter, the state. Indeed, many are so-called victimless crimes.

It may even be that particular criminal statutes are discriminatory in their enforcement or affirmatively harm certain segments of society. This is not true, it is worth noting, of money laundering, insider trading, or criminal tax laws, which may be onerous in the extreme and sometimes unfair in their application, but not discriminatory, e.g., they were not enacted to “get” Jews.

There are certainly times when we are justified in disobeying the law. To invoke the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, there may be times when “if there is nothing worth dying for, there is nothing worth living for.” Some laws imposed by a secular government are so inappropriate—indeed, perhaps, although rarely, anti-Semitic—that the good citizen’s duty is to take the consequences and civilly disobey them in protest. Such laws are rare in post-World War II America. But engaging in civil disobedience to protest the repugnant law is not the same as simply breaking the law for monetary gain. If a law-abiding Jew disobeys a law to protest its unfairness, fully recognizing the consequences of his protest, one can argue that he remains an observant Jew.

Still, civil disobedience aside, if a statute exists on the books, there is a halachic consequence to violating it, however victimless or onerous it may be. This is true, however, even if the law is seen as designed to protect the financially entrenched against the outsider, and thus is itself immoral. Some observant communities have argued, for example, that the education finance regimes do not fairly address the financial needs of Jewish parochial schools, thus requiring extralegal machinations to level the playing field. “Extralegal,” here, though, really means illegal.

Jewish law, handed down through the generations through Maimonides, pronounces that “the law of the land is the law.” In other words, an act criminalized by a secular government is also prohibited by the Torah simply by virtue of existing under the secular law of the society in which we live. If we truly believe in that fundamental concept—for observant Jewry it should be as binding as a law appearing verbatim in written Scripture—it hardly matters that the particular law is not ethically based, does not violate a specific precept of the Torah, or may even be of questionable social value. If the Jewish or observant Jewish community believes that the law was enacted largely because that community does not have an adequate voice in government, it should get out the vote—not defy the law.

Finally, some may suggest that certain Jewish groups who emigrated from Eastern Europe were victimized there by anti-Semitic regimes, which makes their disrespect for secular rule of law understandable. This argument raises a bizarre affirmative action defense that seeks immunity from the laws of the United States for wrongs that the United States had nothing to do with. Regardless, the previously victimized community should take no solace in such an explanation, as there is simply no comparison between Poland in 1939 and America in 2004.

The Community’s Response

It is astonishing, sometimes, how the observant and Hasidic communities react to criminal charges by a superficially observant defendant. Often, those communities assume that anti-Semitism is the driving force behind an unfounded prosecution or that the defendant is being prosecuted (or persecuted) more severely because he is Jewish. Even after a guilty verdict or plea (which should remove any lingering doubt about guilt, as well as any claim of a frame-up), his community will frequently write supportive letters to a sentencing judge suggesting that this is simply aberrant behavior for “an otherwise observant Jew.” And that may be true—sometimes. For some, psychological or compelling financial reasons may induce one-time criminal episodes, contrary to how the individuals conduct otherwise exemplary lives.

But what about the habitual offender who leads an otherwise pious life? He is a regular attendant at minyan; he is meticulous in his kashrut observance; he joyfully sanctifies the Sabbath; he gives charity generously. He also, because it is simply the right thing to do, treats his employees well and is a dedicated and respected leader of the community. Nevertheless, he engages in fraudulent business practices, over and over—but he only cheats the government, non-observers, or non-Jews. Should the religious community that he comes from still stand behind this individual as an observant Jew or “an otherwise observant Jew”?

To be sure, this man deserves the emotional support of his family, friends, and even his community when he is in trouble with the law. We are a people proud of the traditions of forgiveness and repentance. Clearly, the members of his religious community, if they have something favorable to say to a judge about him, should come forward and not abandon him when he has fallen on hard times for his waywardness—especially if he demonstrates true acceptance of responsibility and contrition.

But his community also deserves something in these cases. It deserves the outspoken and unequivocal condemnation of the conduct as being contrary to religious observance. And for this condemnation to have any real impact on that community, it must come from lay and religious leaders within the community itself, who must acknowledge that religious observance is flatly incompatible with fraudulent behavior. Only with the open denouncement of wrongdoing from within the particular observant community can the community hope to demonstrate and protect the Torah’s commitment to honesty in one’s interpersonal dealings as being at least equal to, if not greater than, its commitment to technical observance of mitzvot. Indeed, frequently, the community and its rabbis stand behind the seemingly flexible rule that Jews may not testify against other Jews in a secular court, notwithstanding the seriousness of the offense—hardly a position calculated to encourage the denouncement of wrongdoing or scandal.

Thus, advocating leniency for an observant felon precisely because of his so-called piety as an “observant Jew” harms both the religion and the observant community by suggesting that religion allows for a divergence between piety and morality. Indeed, if this same yarmulka-wearing man were a completely honest businessman whose aberrant conduct was, instead, a weakness for shrimp, would the observant community refer to this man as an observant Jew or an otherwise observant Jew? Surely not! Is kashrut a more fundamental observance in Judaism than basic honesty?

Presiding over a case involving a Hasidic Jew who had pleaded guilty to burning down unoccupied buildings for insurance, Federal Judge I. Leo Glasser turned to the large number of Hasidim who had come to court in support of their fellow Hasid and said:

Some persons might characterize [your presence here] as being a chilul hashem [a disgrace to the name of God].… Sometimes one wonders whether … more emphasis is placed on form and not enough on substance….[T]he words that you recite three times a day and the code and the laws that you study should be thought of in terms of what those words mean and what they are intended to move us to do in terms of the kind of life we lead.

For a secular judge to have used the term chilul hashem in an American court suggests that he is speaking to the defendant as both judge and fellow Jew. His are words that we should all heed.

No matter how we try to justify it—whether as victimless crime, the result of past persecution, something that only affects “outsiders” while helping the Jewish community, a just response to unjust policy, or irrelevant missteps by the otherwise pious—criminal behavior simply cannot be condoned in observant Jewish communities. It undermines the foundations of what we believe, as well as damaging us in the eyes of the outside world. The disgrace of Jewish fraud is not only a disgrace against God, but also a disgrace to ourselves and each other. The Torah and Jewish teaching will give us guidance on how to live ethically, even in our complicated modern society, if we only listen to its truths. At day’s end, the burden lies with all of us. In the words of Edmund Burke, “the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men [and women] to do nothing.”

Joel Cohen, a former prosecutor, practices white-collar criminal defense law at Stroock & Stroock & Lavan LLP in New York. He is the author of Moses: A Memoir.

Yisroel Belsky Desperate To Keep His Job at the OU And Yeshiva Torah Vodaath - Throws Kolko Under the Bus!

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Lakewood Orthodox counselor says he was pressured to plead guilty to child sex abuse


Child sex-abuse plea is disputed (LOL!!!)

 
Yosef Kolko Yosef Kolko, a former Yeshiva teacher, leaves the Ocean County Courthouse in Toms River Tuesday morning after pleading not guilty to sexual assault charges. 8/17/10 - TOMS RIVER - KOLKO0817A - ASBURY PARK PRESS PHOTO BY THOMAS P. COSTELLO - #17487
Yosef Kolko, a former Yeshiva teacher, leaves the Ocean County Courthouse in Toms River Tuesday morning after pleading not guilty to sexual assault charges. 8/17/10 - TOMS RIVER - KOLKO0817A - ASBURY PARK PRESS PHOTO BY THOMAS P. COSTELLO - #17487

TOMS RIVER— Middle-of-the-night visits and YouTube videos of child molesters in prison were among methods employed by Lakewood’s Orthodox Jewish community to pressure a former Orthodox Jewish camp counselor to admit to sexually abusing a child, the former camp counselor’s attorneys said in court papers.

The members of Lakewood’s Orthodox community made the concerted effort to persuade Yosef Kolko to plead guilty to child molestation against his will to spare the community the unwanted publicity of a trial, defense attorneys Stephanie Forbes and Alan L. Zegas said in a brief filed in state Superior Court.

The pressure included a meeting at the home of a rabbi during which Kolko was shown YouTube videos of how child molesters are treated in prison, according to the court papers.

It also included a 2 a.m. visit by five people to Kolko’s home on the day his trial was to resume, in an effort to convince him to stop the proceeding by pleading guilty, the papers said.

Exhausted, Kolko gave in and admitted his guilt that day, May 13, but told his brother just beforehand that he was pleading guilty against his will, according to a certification submitted to the court by Kolko.

The claims will be the subject of a hearing today on Kolko’s motion to withdraw his guilty plea on the basis that he made it while under duress.

Senior Assistant Ocean County Prosecutor Laura Pierro said in a response to the brief filed by the defense attorneys that Kolko already had been contemplating a guilty plea, because of the way the trial was going. He went ahead with the plea after learning that the Prosecutor’s Office had been contacted by an attorney representing two more individuals who claimed to have been molested by him, Pierro said in her brief opposing Kolko’s motion. Kolko did not enter his guilty plea until after he consulted with a Brooklyn rabbi, Yisroel Belsky, to get his blessing, Pierro added.

If Superior Court Judge Francis R. Hodgson is not convinced that Kolko should be allowed to retract his plea, he will proceed to sentencing him for the crimes he admitted — aggravated sexual assault, attempted aggravated sexual assault, sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child, a boy who was 11 and 12 years old when the abuse occurred in 2008 and 2009.

 Kolko, 39, of Lakewood, could face up to 40 years in prison for the offenses, although Hodgson said he would consider sentencing him to no more than 15 years in prison.

Kolko pleaded guilty while his trial was under way, after the victim, his father and a therapist already had testified.

Kolko was the victim’s camp counselor at Yachad, a summer camp that is run by the Yeshiva Bais Hatora School on Swarthmore Avenue in Lakewood. He also was a teacher at Yeshiva Orchos Chaim in Lakewood.

The case highlighted how some in the Orthodox community turned against the victim and his family in an effort to get them to have religious authorities handle the allegations rather than the police. In fact, one man was charged with witness tampering for allegedly embarking on a telephone campaign to get the family to drop the charges. The family was ostracized for going forward with the prosecution and has since moved out of state, according to Pierro.

Kolko also was the target of a campaign to pressure him into admitting guilt, according to the papers filed by his attorneys.

Kolko said one man called him to several meetings, some in front of Belsky, to urge him to agree to a plea bargain, according to the brief filed by Forbes and Zegas. The man also called Kolko to the home of a Lakewood rabbi, where he showed him YouTube videos of “how inmates kill people in jail for being molesters in order to pressure me into taking a plea and avoid trial,’’ Kolko’s certification said.

Kolko claimed in his certification that another rabbi spoke to one of his defense witnesses, telling him he should take a plea bargain, and that a parent of a former student called him when jury selection for the trial was under way, urging the same thing.

Five members of the Lakewood Orthodox community “came to my home at 2 a.m. the morning of my plea and pressured me to stop the trial by pleading guilty,” Kolko said in his certification, in which he maintains his innocence. “I arrived at court exhausted from the events earlier that morning and told my brother, Shabsi Kolko, that I was pleading guilty against my will.”

Five letters from members of the Orthodox community were submitted with the brief on Kolko’s behalf, saying that Kolko was pressured into taking a plea bargain. The letters included one from Shabsi Kolko supporting the defendant’s story that he told him he was pleading guilty against his will, and one from Belsky, who said he was among the people who advised Kolko to plead guilty.

“The reasons were convincing enough to make those who believed in his innocence fearful of the sensationalism attached to the affair and other weighty considerations,’’ Belsky wrote in his handwritten letter.

Hodgson is scheduled to hold a hearing on Kolko’s motion at 1:30 p.m. today.
Kathleen Hopkins: Khopkins@
njpressmedia.com

Street Corner Crazy Israel Belsky should be put out to pasture where he can no longer harm anyone!

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Yisroel Belsky
NJ Yeshiva Teacher Gets Nearly 13 Years for Abuse


 
Yosef Kolko, 39, had said in court papers that members of the Lakewood community carried out an unrelenting campaign to get him to plead guilty and to spare the community negative publicity. He claims they showed him YouTube videos "of how inmates kill people in jail for being molesters in order to pressure me into taking a plea and avoiding trial."
 
"If not for the extreme pressure by members of my community, I would not have pled guilty as charged," he said. "I reject plea bargains offered by the state because I am innocent of the crimes alleged."
 
Prosecutors said the family of the boy, who was 12 at the time of the abuse, was ostracized by the community for pursuing the case in state court instead of letting religious leaders deal with it. The boy's father, a prominent rabbi, lost his job and the family moved to Michigan.
 
Kolko claims that after three days of testimony in the case in May, five members of the Jewish community came to his house at 2 a.m., pressuring him for hours to plead guilty.
 
"I arrived at court exhausted from the events earlier that morning and told my brother, Shabsi Kolko, that I was pleading guilty against my will," he said in court papers.
 
Kolko pleaded guilty while he was on trial on several counts including aggravated sexual assault. The accusations involved a boy Kolko met at a camp. The alleged abuse took place between August 2008 and February 2009.
 
The judge sentenced Kolko to 12 years and nine months in prison after a hearing that lasted hours and included testimony from the victim, now 16.
 
When he pleaded guilty, Kolko admitted performing oral sex on the boy and attempting to have anal intercourse with him.
 
In court, the boy addressed Kolko directly: "How can you ignore the tears and open wounds when you knew how much you hurt me?"
 
Kolko declined to speak.
 
The victim's father had initially wanted the case handled within the Orthodox community, asking a senior rabbi to help ensure that Kolko stay away from children and go to therapy. In mid-2009, the father decided to take the case to authorities.
 
On the witness stand, the father said he went to prosecutors because he felt the case was not being handled appropriately. Kolko was still teaching and planning to work at the summer camp where he met the boy.
———
Wayne Parry can be reached at http://twitter.com/WayneParryAC
 

It also confirmed that girls who—according to their caregivers—were shy, withdrawn, had impulsive tendencies or expressed feelings of worthlessness were more prone to sexual assault.

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Calculating the risk: child sexual assault

 by Amy Mattson

Affluent girls residing in two-parent homes are much less likely to be sexually assaulted than other female youth, according to a new study from the University of Iowa. The research revealed that when family income reaches 400 percent of the poverty threshold, or around $92,000 for a four-person household, the risk of sexual assault declines by more than half.

 The study conducted by UI School of Social Work professor Amy Butler examined sexual assault in more than 1,000 girls aged 17 and younger, across all income levels. It relied on data obtained from the ongoing Panel Study of Income Dynamics—a national survey of families begun in 1968 and directed by University of Michigan faculty.

Unlike other analyses that examine data gathered after a sexual assault has occurred, Butler’s study looked at risk factors related to behavior, family history, and parental income that were measured prior to an assault, giving the work potentially predictive value.

“It’s important to have clear before and after measures,” Butler says.

Published in the International Journal of Child Abuse & Neglect, the study showed that the risk of sexual assault for girls between the ages of four and 17 declined from 12.3 to 5.6 percent once income reached 400 percent or more of the poverty threshold.

Her analysis also confirmed previous research that showed girls whose mothers had at least a high-school education and whose biological parents were both present from birth to age one had a lower risk of sexual assault.

Nationwide, one in 10 girls is sexually assaulted, according to Butler’s study. This compares to one in five girls who are victims of sexual abuse—a term often encompassing a broader range of inappropriate behavior that can include voyeurism or verbal pressure for sex—as reported by the advocacy organization, the National Center for Victims of Crime.

While reasons behind a decreased risk of sexual assault for young females in economically comfortable, two-parent households are not yet known, Butler notes there may be several possible explanations.

For example, factors that might enable some parents to achieve higher socioeconomic status—e.g. having children later in life—could be tied to personal characteristics like enhanced maturity levels that are then passed down to their children. Education appears to play a role as well.

“It is possible that educated, two-parent families can better afford to raise their children in safe neighborhoods, send them to safe schools, and ensure that their activities are well supervised, thereby decreasing their risk for sexual assault,” Butler writes.

“Alternatively, the personal characteristics that may enable some parents to achieve higher socio-economic status may be transmitted to the daughter through heredity and parental modeling, thereby reducing her risk.”

Butler’s research helps establish that many risk factors identified in retrospective studies (those conducted after the fact) are accurate predictors of whether a girl will experience childhood sexual assault.

Her analysis found that girls with extremely low math and reading scores, and those referred to special education programs were more likely than their peers to experience an assault. It also confirmed that girls who—according to their caregivers—were shy, withdrawn, had impulsive tendencies or expressed feelings of worthlessness were more prone to sexual assault.

The study further outlined that many mental health disorders found in victims and survivors of assault appear to be a result of their experience with rape. Butler is conducting additional analysis to research this link and others. She is hopeful that her study will open the doors for more young women to discuss sexual assault, and encourage them to find support and assistance.

And though her research focuses on risk factors in girls, she is quick to note that victims are never to blame.“Perpetrators hone their skills to entrap girls. No one enters a situation expecting to be sexually assaulted,” says Butler.

Contact:

Amy Mattson, University Communication and Marketing, 319-384-0070
 


Agudath Israel Nowhere to be Found on Hebrew Schools and Yeshivas!

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House votes for school checks for sex offenders

 

WHILEPREPARATIONS FOR THE AGUDAH CONVENTION ARE UNDERWAY!

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WASHINGTON (AP) — Public schools would be barred from employing teachers and other workers convicted of sexual offenses against children or other violent crimes under a bill the House approved Tuesday.

The measure would require school systems to check state and federal criminal records for employees with unsupervised access to elementary and secondary school students, and for people seeking those jobs. Workers refusing to submit to the checks would not be allowed to have school positions.

A 2010 report by the Government Accountability Office, the auditing arm of Congress, cited one estimate that there are 620,000 convicted sex offenders in the U.S.
It also found that state laws on the employment of sex offenders in schools vary. Some require less stringent background checks than others, and they differ on how people with past convictions are treated, such as whether they are fired or lose their teaching license.

The bill has run into objections from major teachers' unions like the National Education Association and the American Federation of Teachers. In letters to lawmakers, their criticisms included concerns that the measure might jeopardize workers' protections under union contracts.

In addition, the NEA wrote that criminal background checks "often have a huge, racially disparate impact"— a reference to critics' complaints that minorities make up a disproportionately high proportion of people convicted of crimes.

Despite those concerns, the House approved the measure by voice vote.

"Keeping children safe is not a partisan issue," said the chief sponsor, Rep. George Miller, D-Calif. "It's a moral obligation."

"Every school employee, from the cafeteria workers to the administrators, to janitors to the teachers, principals and librarians, that every one" is subject to background checks including the FBI fingerprint identification system to the national sex offender registry, said Rep. Todd Rokita, R-Ind.
No one said they opposed the bill. But Rep. Keith Ellison, D-Minn., said that by imposing lifetime bans and ignoring the ability of people to overcome criminal backgrounds, "We do run the risk of doing a good thing, but doing too much of a thing." He said he'd continue seeking changes in the measure as it moves through Congress.

The measure will need approval from the Senate. It is expected to be considered there in coming months as part of a broad overhaul of federal laws on elementary and secondary schools.

The bill would forbid public schools to employ people convicted of crimes against children including pornography, or of felonies including murder, rape, spousal abuse or kidnapping. It would bar school districts and state education agencies from transferring workers who have engaged in sexual misconduct with minors to another location.

Employees with violations would be allowed to appeal, but they could not work during the appeals process.

WATCH VIDEO:
http://video.foxnews.com/v/2683119539001/child-sexual-abuse-survivor-becomes-advocate-to-protect-kids/

 

"Mark, I'm 75 years old. I was raped and abused by my uncle when I was 15. It was 60 years ago, and I have never forgotten one thing. I never told anybody."

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Bill would extend rights of child sex-abuse victims to sue


State Rep. Mark Rozzi said he was talking to a group after a taxpayer rally in Harrisburg last month when someone asked him what else he was up to.

He told them about legislation he is co-sponsoring to raise the statute of limitations on the filing of civil suits in cases of child sexual abuse.

Afterward, one woman stayed behind and began crying.

Rozzi recalled her words: "Mark, I'm 75 years old. I was raped and abused by my uncle when I was 15. It was 60 years ago, and I have never forgotten one thing. I never told anybody."

"We cannot forget," said Rozzi, who alleges he was abused by a priest when he was 13. "It's in your mind every single day."

The legislation would allow adult victims of child sexual abuse to file civil suits against their abusers or the institutions that employed the abusers until the victims are age 50.

 The current age is 30. The legislation also would open a two-year window for victims to re-file cases thrown out of court because the statute of limitations had expired.

It wouldn't be retroactive; victims 51 or older would still be unable to file suits.

Still, some sort of change is needed because most victims don't come forward until later in life, Rozzi said.

Several states have increased their limits. Others are debating increases.

Pennsylvania's proposal has been stalled in the House Judiciary Committee since it was introduced in January. Chairman Ron Marisco, a Dauphin County Republican, has said he won't allow a vote because the proposed legislation is unconstitutional.

Apparently, Delaware lawmakers had no such concerns. They eliminated the statute of limitations, and victims there have won millions of dollars from the Catholic institutions that employed their abusers.

But this is not just about abuse by priests, said Rozzi, a Muhlenberg Township Democrat. Teachers, coaches and others use positions of trust to abuse children, he said.

"This is about justice denied, and we will not stop until we can get this done," he said.

Next week: Spring Township attorney Jay Abramowitch, who has handled numerous civil cases filed against priests and their dioceses, provides his opinion on the proposed legislation.

Contact Mary Young: 610-478-6292 or myoung@readingeagle.com.

http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=517365

Eyes Wide Open!

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WATCH VIDEO :http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1024860/?ref_=rvi_tt





New Guidelines on Punishing Child Rape Win Praise, and Criticism


China has said those who sexually abuse minors should be more heavily punished.
 
A string of cases this year of adults raping or sexually assaulting children has sickened the Chinese public. Last week the Supreme People’s Court reacted, issuing a legal opinion mandating heavier punishments for sex offenders — especially state employees, including teachers, who figured in many of the cases.

“State employees must be models of the law, and lead the way in protecting minors,” said Zhou Feng, the head of the country’s first criminal court, announcing the opinion at a news conference last Thursday. “But a very small number of state employees have violated these morals and integrity and severely damaged the image of state bodies,” he said.

“The guideline embodies the principle of maximum protection for the victims and minimum tolerance for the offenders,” said Sun Jungong, a court spokesman. But critics said the new rules were flawed, appearing to lower the age at which a child receives the “absolute protection” of the law from 14 — China’s age of consent — to 12.

Among the new rules: Institutions involved in the sexual abuse of children, such as hospitals or schools, may be required to pay compensation to victims, and offenders serving suspended sentences may be barred from schools or other jobs that bring them into contact with minors.

The issue is highly sensitive in China amid a growing perception that civil servants had been abusing their power and escaping appropriate punishment.

This revulsion led to a rare public protest last May, when Ye Haiyan, an advocate for the rights of sex workers and greater protections for children, traveled to Hainan Province where a primary school principal and a teacher were accused raping six girls. She carried a sign that read, “Principal, if you want to ‘get a room,’ look for me. Leave the school kids alone.”

The campaign went viral on the Internet and many women copied her gesture, posting images of themselves with similar signs.

In September, a civil servant in Daguan County in the southwestern province of Yunnan who was convicted of raping a 4-year-old girl was sentenced to five years in prison, causing an outcry by those who considered the punishment too lenient. In mid-October a higher court referred the case for re-sentencing, saying the punishment was “clearly inappropriate,” reported Xinhua, the state-run news agency.

Based on an unusual clause in Chinese law, men have been able to argue that sex with minors — meaning those under 14 — is not rape if the girl is paid, but instead constitutes the crime of “spending the night with a young girl in a brothel,” which carries a different penalty, possibly resulting in five years in jail and a fine. Rape is punishable by a minimum sentence of three years and a maximum of death.

But in its opinion last week, the Supreme People’s Court told the police, justice officials and all courts in the country, both civilian and military: “Sex offenses against minors must be severely punished.” It added: “Please implement this seriously.” (Here is the opinion, in Chinese.)

People in a position of responsibility and trust toward minors, including teachers and medical staff, would be held to a high standard in their own behavior and should report any suspected abuse, it said.

Sex with a minor under any circumstance is rape, the court said, in a move welcomed by children’s rights lawyers..........


 
http://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/28/new-guidelines-on-punishing-child-rape-win-praise-and-criticism/?emc=edit_tnt_20131028&tntemail0=y

Footprints in the Snow

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The UOJ Archives - December 2010

December (Kislev) was always my favorite month. For many reasons. I was born within a few hours of that day of the other well-known charismatic Jew -- with dark hair and a beard. I am craftier than he was though, the Establishment's attempt to nail me to the shtender was unsuccessful; and that's where the similarities end, depending on who you talk to of course.

The cold weather was a reprieve for me from the hot New York summers. The lights of Chanukah burning bright in our window; and the peace that came along with the long winter nights was inspirational. As my children grew, it became our most festive Jewish holiday; dancing together around the lit menorah.

I was always puzzled why Chanukah was so dear to me. Perhaps because one of my names in Aramaic means flame/torch and the other name means "bright one" or "shining one" in German? And yes, I loved the snow, that beautiful white snow that covered and brightened the filthy New York streets, seeming, at least temporarily, to cover the dark secrets of those streets. As a child, snowball fights were actually a neighborhood event. Parents would join in to help their kids slug it out with their friends.

And when we moved into the new neighborhood, the closest shul that I felt comfortable with was on the other side of the tracks. There was a new shtibel being set up in the living room of a very nice man. It was hard to say no to him, although I never found my place there. So I found myself mostly walking over to my parents home and davening with my father at his local shtibel. Initially, thinking somehow I could make it work. I hate shtibels, every community member should belong to a shul with a real rav, not some hokey-pokey voodoo kook, or a flunky with flair.

I remember getting up very early in the winter months when it snowed, sitting in my beautiful bechora's room, watching her sleep, constantly putting my hand by her nose to make certain she was breathing, and watching the snow fall and enjoying the peace that it brought me. There's something special forever for the child that made you a father. There was not a living soul yet in the street at 4 a.m.

I would be in her room until 5 a.m. or so, when off I went by foot to say a shiur to the two elderly Jews at the local synagogue (as opposed to a shul) where I davened shacharit in the weekdays as well. From two elderly Jews it became three, four, five...the aged and infirmed rabbi could not believe his eyes. He barely had a minyan until I moved in, in less than six months there were some twenty five people davening at the 6 o'clock minyan.

I would have liked to believe that on those snowy mornings, my footprints in the snow that I left going to daven, would be there on the way home. Of course, that never happened. Other people were walking the streets as well, or the snow turned to slush, or rain washed it away.

Or maybe they're still there, I just can't see them.

Life moves along, and we moved away...there were shuls, shtibels and kosher establishments galore.

The new neighborhood was aesthetically beautiful; shortly after we moved we were blessed with my youngest favorite child. She drove me nuts; the more the merrier. She could do no wrong, ever!

It was full of plastic people and I had a difficult time getting used to the "what's in it for me" mentality. So I went about my business focusing on my career and my family. "They" tried to induce and seduce me into getting involved in what they called "community affairs"; I called it mundane affairs of ego-maniacs who would do anything to see their names on buildings, organization stationary, and getting to sit on a table slightly elevated from the other tables at school dinners.

I left footprints in the sand; I'm fairly certain the low tides washed them away.

Or maybe they're still there, I just can't see them.

And as I became ashamed of myself for not getting with the program -- my staff operated the computers for my organization, I was still using my Rolodex, had a massive business card album comprising some 7200 business cards of every person I ever met who had one, and dictating letters to my assistant, I took a beginners class in January 2005 at a local computer training school. They taught me how to turn on the computer, the basics of e-mail, and how to get online.

And one evening in March 2005 I came across a Blog, I said to myself, "I can do that", and so I did.

I left footprints in cyberspace; the Establishment attempted to "wash them away".

They're still there, and the world sees them!

“Early relationships, where adults are responsive and attentive, are able to buffer the damaging effects on the brain and body,”

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Protecting Children From Toxic Stress


Fixes
Fixes looks at solutions to social problems and why they work.

Imagine if scientists discovered a toxic substance that increased the risks of cancer, diabetes and heart, lung and liver disease for millions of people. Something that also increased one’s risks for smoking, drug abuse, suicide, teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, domestic violence and depression — and simultaneously reduced the chances of succeeding in school, performing well on a job and maintaining stable relationships? It would be comparable to hazards like lead paint, tobacco smoke and mercury. We would do everything in our power to contain it and keep it far away from children. Right?
Children can be shielded from the most damaging effects of stress if their parents are taught how to respond appropriately.
 Well, there is such a thing, but it’s not a substance. It’s been called “toxic stress.” For more than a decade, researchers have understood that frequent or continual stress on young children who lack adequate protection and support from adults, is strongly associated with increases in the risks of lifelong health and social problems, including all those listed above.

In the late 1990s, Vincent Felitti and Robert Anda conducted a landmark study that examined the effects of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — including abuse, neglect, domestic violence and family dysfunction — on 17,000 mainly white, predominately well-educated, middle class people in San Diego. They found a powerful connection between the level of adversity faced and the incidence of many health and social problems. They also discovered that ACEs were more common than they had expected. (About 40 percent of respondents reported two or more ACEs, and 25 percent reported three or more.) Since then, similar surveys have been conducted in several states, with consistent findings.

In the years since, advances in biology, neuroscience, epigenetics and other fields have shed light on the mechanisms behind this phenomenon. “What the science is telling us now is how experience gets into the brain as it’s developing its basic architecture and how it gets into the cardiovascular system and the immune system,” explains Jack P. Shonkoff, director of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, where the term toxic stress was coined. “These insights provide an opportunity to think about new ways we might try to reduce the academic achievement gap and health disparities — and not just do the same old things.”

First, it’s important to note that toxic stress is not a determinant, but a risk factor. And while prevention is best, it’s never too late to mitigate its effects. It’s also critical to distinguish between “toxic stress” and normal stress. In the context of a reasonably safe environment where children have protective relationships with adults, Shonkoff explains, childhood stress is not a problem. In fact, it promotes healthy growth, coping skills and resilience. It becomes harmful when it is prolonged and when adults do not interact in ways that make children feel safe and emotionally connected.
 
This distinction is critical, because it opens the way to new opportunities to prevent a cascade of health problems. It is exceedingly difficult to alter the environments that produce major stress for families, particularly poverty. However, children can be shielded from the most damaging effects of stress if their parents are taught how to respond appropriately. “One thing that is highly protective is the quality of the relationship between the parent and the child,” explains Darcy Lowell, the founder of Child FIRST, a program based in Bridgeport, Conn., that has marshaled strong evidence demonstrating the ability to intervene early, at relatively low cost, to reduce the harm caused by childhood stress in extremely high-need families. “Early relationships, where adults are responsive and attentive, are able to buffer the damaging effects on the brain and body,” she says.....


READ MORE:
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/30/protecting-children-from-toxic-stress/?hp&rref=opinion&_r=0

Not All Beards Are Winners!

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Ex-Brooklyn rabbi arrested on sex abuse charges in California

Wednesday, October 30, 2013






A rabbi who used to work in Brooklyn was arrested in California Tuesday over allegations of child sex abuse in our area.
 
Rabbi Menachem Tewel is expected to return to Brooklyn as early as Wednesday to face a series of criminal sex act charges.

He was taken into custody by police at the JEM Center, a Jewish youth community center on Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills, where he now works.

The Kings County District Attorney's Office confirmed that an arrest warrant was issued earlier this month for 30-year-old Rabbi Tewel.

"Mendel Tevel has been accused by many people of being a child molester," said Ilanit Gluckosky, of Jewish Community Watch, an organization that focuses on child abuse prevention. "It was brought to the attention of Jewish Community Watch."

According to the organization, the charges against Tewel go back to the mid-1990s and as recently as 2004.

The watchdog group reported on four men who accused Tewel of molesting them when they were boys in Brooklyn.

"No child, no parent, no one has alleged anything against the JEM Center," center attorney Dana Cole said. "This involves activities that occurred several years ago in New York City."

Jewish Community Watch says it alerted local rabbis about the allegations against Tewel in August.
"Law enforcement told them there was no warrant, there was no criminal investigation, so JEM Center attempted to do due diligence," Cole said. "They were assured by law enforcement that nothing was going on, and then they were surprised today at this arrest."

The JEM Center's director, Rabbi Hertzel Illulian, is Tewel's father-in-law.

"God will help that it will show that it's all false and will clear up, and people will see while we will still continue our good job for the community," Illulian said.

Failing to report allegations of child sexual abuse should be made a criminal offence in Britain

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Not reporting child sex abuse should be a criminal offence says former top prosecutor Keir Starmer
    
Speaking on BBC Panorama, Mr Starmer said: “I think the time has come to change the law and close a gap that’s been there for a very long time.
   

Rabbi Yisroel Belsky SHLITA
Missed opportunities: Jimmy Savile
Jimmy Saville
Failing to report allegations of child sexual abuse should be made a criminal offence in Britain, the former director of public prosecutions said.


Keir Starmer believes it is time to “change the law” and said it should be “mandatory” to report allegations.

Speaking on BBC Panorama, Mr Starmer said: “I think the time has come to change the law and close a gap that’s been there for a very long time.

“I think there should be a mandatory reporting provision.

“The problem is if you haven’t got a central provision requiring people to report, then all you can do is fall back on other provisions that aren’t really designed for that purpose and that usually means they run into difficulties.

“What you really need is a clear, direct law that everybody understands.”

Mr Starmer told the programme he has spent a lot of time thinking about how the criminal justice system could improve its response to child sexual abuse.

“I went to Washington to see how the specialist teams there deal with it,” he said.

“They do have a mandatory reporting scheme, a very straightforward, simple scheme and something like that I think could work in this country.”

The Government currently has no plans to change the law - with the Department for Education stating that mandatory reporting is “not the answer”.

A spokesman said: “Guidance is already crystal clear that professionals should refer immediately to social care when they are concerned about a child.

“Other countries have tried mandatory reporting and there is no evidence to show that it is a better system for protecting children.

“In fact there is evidence to show it can make children less safe.”

Panorama: After Savile: No more secrets? is on BBC One tonight at 8.30pm.           

"There Are No Bad Kids Only Bad Rebbes!"

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The above quote was said to me by a popular educator in a yeshiva a long time ago. He was attempting to shed some light on the problem of children getting lost and disillusioned in yeshivas and turned off by "bad rebbes".

Not that it is necessarily the fault of a rebbe or a parent when a child leaves the fold, children have their own minds, and many times we just are not in tune with their thought process. And when we do finally figure it out, in most cases, it is way too late. But one thing is definitely certain, a bad rebbe will wreak unbelievable havoc on many kids and their families. And the scars are permanent!

What is now smacking us across the face, that for the most important jobs in our community, no license or training is required. No license or formal training needed to be a rebbe in a yeshiva, no license or formal training to be a rosh yeshiva and no license or formal training to be a tatty or mommy. For every other major profession in this country, not only do you need a license, there are years of education required in that career path that goes along with the job! And if you fail, or don't do well, you won't get the job!

To be a rebbe today - you need to be someones son or son in-law, to be a rosh yeshiva, the same - and/or wait until your father dies, unless your name is Lipa Margulies -- all you need to do then is steal the name of the yeshiva you were a bus driver for, and ran errands -- and had access to their office files, and refuse to go to bais din. EVERY yeshiva in the ultra-orthodox community has an owner or de facto owner. And the real estate and bank accounts for the most part, are controlled solely by them except for that rare isolated case!

And what requirement do you need to father or mother a child? Never mind - let's not go there.

But the short answer is NOTHING! You just knock 'em out, and hope for the best! While the vast majority of Jewish parents are well-intended, many of them are clueless on child-raising. The nurturing and focus today required to be a good parent, is so much different than even a decade ago. The "street" is a much worse place, access to bad people and bad stuff is easier, and for bad people to have access to your children is unbearably easy. And that includes all types of bad people, even Jewish ones. Yes, surprise, there are bad Jews, some very bad ones!

Truth be told, parents are overburdened; with many if not most Jewish households requiring both parents to hold down full-time jobs. So what gives? The ability to focus on the physical and emotional needs and safety of your kids gives. How much time is left, quality time that is, to really understand what your child's day looked like. You come home beat, overworked and underpaid, trying to maintain some sort of semblance of self.

Are you really able to discern if your child had a bad day? Will he or she voluntarily tell you if they did? Or are they counting on you, the tatty or mommy, to just know. Is your child able to talk to you privately? Are they able to transmit to you their inner-most thoughts and feelings without you getting visibly upset at them? Would you listen to them if they just signalled you - that something that happened to them is just keeping them from expressing themselves out of fear or shame? You brought them on to this planet, you have an obligation to be there for them, and believe in them under any and all circumstances.

Getting back to the situation at the yeshivas (including girls schools)... what do you know about their teacher or rebbe? What do you know about the rosh yeshiva or principal other than what their PR machine will bellow out?

How much checking do you do about the car you intend to purchase? How much time goes into buying a dining room set or a mattress, before you commit? Who supervises your kids in camp? Who watches them in the playground? Do you let them walk free in the neighborhood by themselves, or do you at the very least make certain your older kids walk in groups on major thoroughfares. Yes, you may need now to drop themselves off as a group, and pick them up as a group. At what age does that happen?

These issues can not go without serious soul-searching any longer. One yiddishe neshama is tragically one way too much to lose. But how many have already died a spiritual death, falling prey to vile child molesters in their schools or families, the vilest of all two-legged creatures, and/or to drugs and alcohol?

Could you have prevented that from happening?

And once you knew something was terribly wrong, what real gut-wrenching action did you actually take? Did you go to a true professional for help? Or did you shmooze it up with your rav or rabbi; you know the guy, that in most cases, knows little more than trying to figure out his own survival technique. And does he really know the dynamics of your household? What does he know about your individual child?

Or will he urge you to use a cure-all generic band-aid that was prescribed by organizations and their fundraising specialists, also known as rosh yeshivas and gedolim -- who often soil their adult diapers with מי רגלים--"mei raglayim" and other "dvarim", and use your kids as inventory in their business warehouses?

Your children are at risk every single day, both in your home, and once they walk out the door. At risk children are ALL the kinderlach, not only the ones that may have strayed (hopefully temporarily) from the path you theoretically chose for them; and I say theoretically only because if you do not help them navigate through every single day, you actually only helped them be a theoretical mensch.

As some of our Chazal pontificate; Yaakov Avinu knew that Yosef was alive after the Shvatim sold him into slavery to the Egyptians, even though he had not heard from him in twenty two years. After all, he was Yaakov Avinu. When the brothers told him "Od Yosef Chai" -עוד יוסף חי in Parshat Vayigash -- ויגש --- what Yaakov Avinu really was concerned about --- "was Yosef spiritually alive?"

How would you answer that question about your "Yosefs"?

Chazak V'nischazek!

UOJ
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